'Tis better to be drunk on the spirit, however, a bottle of Jack Daniels is sometimes handier.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
90% of everything is cetera.
2 + 2 = 5, for moderately large values of two.
42: The answer to life, the universe, and everything.
186,000 mps: It's not just a good idea --- it's the law.
668: Neighbor of the Beast.
A $300 picture tube will protect a 10¢ fuse by blowing first.
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
A banker is a man who lends you an umbrella when the weather is fair, and takes it away when it rains.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is worth two overhead.
A blank page is God's way of showing you how hard it is to be God.
A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
A clean conscience is a soft pillow.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.
A handful of knowledge is worth a bushel of learning.
A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave for five minutes longer.
A man who wakes up famous has not been sleeping.
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.
A missile in the silo is worth two overhead.
A neat desk is a certain sign of a sick mind.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
A picture is worth a thousand words.
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
A silver tongue, a golden touch, and a mink like a steel trap.
A Smith & Wesson beats 4 Aces.
A thing nobody believes cannot be proved too often.
A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite.
A wise man knows everything; a shrewd one, everyone.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Adversity introduces a man to himself.
After any salary raise, you will have less money left at the end of the month than you did before.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
All roads lead to Amber.
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
All the world's an analog stage, and digital circuits play only bit parts.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
All vacations and holidays present problems, except for one's own.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
All's well that ends.
Always draw your curves, then plot your readings.
Always hold firmly to the thought that each one of us can do something to bring some portion of misery to an end.
American Non-Sequitor Society --- we don't make sense, but we do like pizza.
An 'acceptable' level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
An admission of error is a sign of error rather than a weakness.
An expert is a person who talks about a subject he doesn't understand and makes you believe you are ignorant.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
Anarchy --- It's not the law, it's just a good idea.
Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
Are we having fun yet?
Around here, progress is made on alternate Tuesdays.
Ask a silly person, get a silly answer.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
Avoid cliches like the plague --- they're a dime a dozen.
Ban the bomb --- Save the world for conventional warfare.
Be careful what you wish for --- you might get it.
Be cheerful! Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
Be yourself --- It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.
Beam me up, Scotty --- it ate my phaser!
Beam me up, Scotty --- the elevators don't work.
Beam me up, Scotty --- there's no intelligent life down here.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.
Behind any able man there are always other able men.
Behind any successful man there is a woman.
Behind any successful woman there is a surprised man.
Being sexy is a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.
Being weird isn't enough.
Berserkers do it without thinking.
Better dead than mellow.
Better living through alchemy.
Beware of Quantam Ducks! Quark! Quark! Quark!
Black holes are where God is dividing by zero.
Blessings never come in pairs; misfortunes never come alone.
Blood is thicker than water --- and much tastier.
Bombs don't kill people --- explosions kill people.
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will use it.
Bureaucrats cut red tape ... lengthwise!
Bushydo: the way of the shrub. Bonsai!
Calm down --- it's only ones and zeros.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Cheit's Lament: If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you the next time he is in need.
Chem E's make the best heat exchangers.
Christians do it with grace.
Cocktail Party: A gathering of people drinking bottled water.
Coit-Murphy's Statement: It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
Committee: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process.
Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast.
Discretion is the better part of valor.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
Do not throw butts in the urinals, for it makes them soggy and hard to light.
Don't ask me --- I have intermittent memory loss.
Don't be afraid to ask dumb questions; they're easier to handle than dumb mistakes.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't build more nukes --- until we've used the ones we have.
Don't get even --- get odd!
Don't hate yourself in the morning --- sleep 'til noon.
Don't just stand there --- scratch my back!
Don't just stare at me --- fantasize!
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
Don't regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many.
Don't rush me --- I'm dawdling as fast as I can.
Dragonriders do it in between.
Ducharm's Axiom: If one views his problem closely enough he will recognize himself as part of the problem.
Dull women have immaculate homes.
Dyslexics have more fnu!
Dyslexics of the world untie! Together we can trip up the world!
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Eat the rich --- the poor are tough and stringy.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Entropy requires no maintenance.
Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies.
Every silver lining has a cloud.
Every spam is sacred.
Everybody should believe in something --- I believe I'll have another drink.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Everyone was born right-handed. Only the greatest overcome it.
Everything can be filed under 'Miscellaneous'.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
Excuse me while I change into something more formidable.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian.
Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Experience: What we call the sum total of a lifetime of our mistakes.
Familiarity breeds contempt --- which is why we admire the truth.
Farnsdick's Corollary: After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle repeats itself.
Feline Sapiens.
Fiber brings out the best in him.
Fill your life with music and music will make your life full.
Fimbriation is a borderline case.
Finding a good man is like trying to nail Jell-o to a tree.
First Postulate of Iso-Murphism: Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Following the rules won't get the job done.
Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future.
Forgive and forget.
Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Gattuso's Extension of Murphy's Laws: Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
Genius is 3% inspiration and 97% perspiration.
Genius is the capacity for making trouble.
George Bush goes into a coma and awakens three years from now. When he wakes up, Dan Quayle gives him a glowing report: "Zero inflation, zero unemployment." And the price of bread? "Only ¥300 a loaf."
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
Give a man a fish and you've fed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you've fed him for life.
Giving up Catholicism for Lent.
Go not to the elves for council, for they will say both no and yes.
Go, lemmings, go!
God didn't create the world in seven days --- He goofed off for six, then pulled an all-nighter.
God is not dead; he just doesn't want to get involved.
God is real unless declared integer.
Good Morning is a contradiction in terms.
Got Mole Problems? Call Avogadro: 602-1023 and get back to normal.
Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.
Hackito ergo sum.
Half of what I know today will be obsolete in five years --- I'd just like to know which half.
Happiness is a TARDIS with a working dematerialization circuit.
Happiness is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it.
Happiness is the Planet Earth in your rear view mirror.
Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances?
Hatred can be an acid that does more damage to the vessel in which it is stored than to the object on which it's poured.
Have a nice day somewhere else.
Have an adequate day.
Have TARDIS, will travel.
Have you hugged your dragon today?
He that waits upon fortune is never sure of a dinner.
He who is known as an early riser can stay in bed until noon.
He who loses his head is usually the last one to miss it.
Hedonist for hire --- no job too easy.
Heralds don't pun --- they cant.
Hi! I can't remember your name either.
History is fiction with the truth left out.
Hollow chocolate has no calories.
Homosexuality is not hereditary. ∫
Housework, if done properly, can kill you.
How long will it take for society to improve to the extent that a racist is someone who goes to the track?
Human beings don't live like this.
Hunger doesn't say "Stale bread" nor does cold say "Worn coat."
I am a bookaholic. If you are a decent person, you will not sell me another book.
I am an atheist, thank God!
I am not a student of human nature. I am a professor of a far wider academy of which human nature is only a part.
I am not a trained killer --- I lead trained killers.
I am not conceited --- I just can't stand mortals.
I am the mother of all things, and all things must wear a sweater.
I can't be late --- I just got here.
I can't be overdrawn --- I still have checks left!
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
I don't have to take this abuse from you --- I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me.
I don't have ulcers --- I give them.
I don't like violence, but I'm very good at it.
I don't suffer from insanity --- I revel in it.
I grok Spock.
I have a mind like a steel seive.
I have not lost my mind --- I know exactly where I left it.
I have not lost my mind --- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
I know karate, kung fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
I never spit in your drink --- Why do you smoke in my air?
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
I think, therefore I am ... thoughtful.
I think, therefore I am, I think. ∫
I used to be amused --- now I'm just bored.
I used to be disgusted --- now I'm just amused.
I used to be sane, but I got better.
I used to get high on life, but I've built up a tolerance.
I will continue to be an impossible person as long as those who are now possible remain possible.
I'd like to thank my mother and father for not practicing birth control.
I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
I'm a citizen of the universe and a gentleman to boot.
I'm not a mercenary --- killing is more of a hobby with me.
I'm not breaking the rules --- I'm just testing their elasticity.
I'm not irresponsible --- I'm out of control.
I'm not loafing --- I work so fast I'm always finished.
I'm not on drugs. I am drugs.
I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
I'm not unemployed --- I'm looking for the perfect job.
I'm pink, therefore I'm spam.
I'm sorry, but a unicorn doesn't work like a mule.
I'm sorry, my karma just ran over your dogma.
I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
I've had fun before --- this isn't it.
If all else fails --- lower your standards.
If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they'd point in different directions.
If at first you don't succeed --- change the rules.
If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.
If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his hat off.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
If English was good enough for God and Moses in the Bible, it is good enough for me.
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
If God had meant for people to go naked, they would have been born that way.
If God hadn't wanted me to be paranoid, He wouldn't have given me such a vivid imagination.
If guns are outlawed, how shall we shoot the liberals?
If I want any more shit from you, I'll squeeze your head.
If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly.
If it jams, force it --- if it breaks it needed replacing anyway.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
If puns were deli meat, this would be the wurst.
If someone says he will do something 'without fail,' he won't.
If the wearer of this button shows any signs of depression, administer chocolate immediately.
If there is anything in this universe more important than my ego, I want it taken out and shot immediately!
If voting could change the system, it would be illegal. If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep loosing our luggage.
If you always live with those who are lame, you yourself will learn to limp.
If you are good, you'll be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you'll get out of it.
If you can't dress weird, why dress at all?
If you can't get your work done in 24 hours, work nights.
If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to you, hunt it down and kill it.
If you think "everybody is doing it" is a persuasive argument, think about what flies eat.
If you try something, you better make sure I don't get up.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
If you're feeling good, don't worry --- you'll get over it. match
If you're going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble over the remaining 3%?
Implementing systems is 95% boredom and 5% sheer terror.
Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
In case of atomic attack, all work rules will be temporarily suspended.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
In your heart you know it's flat.
Incorrigible punster --- Do not incorrige.
Indecision is the basis of flexibility.
Interchangeable parts --- won't.
Invertebrate punster. Spinelessly unable to resist a pun. So slug me.
Is the surface of a planet the right place for an expanding industrial civilization?
Is there really a United States, or just a bunch of people pretending?
It didn't take long for the dream of earning $10,000 a year to become a nightmare.
It doesn't matter what you do. It only matters what you say you've done, and what you're going to do.
It is a good answer that knows when to stop.
It is a luxury to be understood.
It is better to be a has-been than one who never was.
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live them.
It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow.
It takes two to make a bargain.
It usually takes two people to make one of them angry.
It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber.
It would be a swell world if everyone were as pleasant as the fellow who is trying to skin you.
It's a bad bargain where nobody gains.
It's a small world, but I'd hate to have to paint it.
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
It's not a bug --- It's an undocumented feature.
It's not a dungeon --- It's a fortified underground defense installation.
It's not easy being this cute.
It's not my fault.
It's not the principle of the thing --- it's the money.
It's not whether you win or lose. It's how you lay the blame.
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
It's you and me against the world --- when do we attack?
Jeez if you love honkus.
Jesus Christ: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Keep your boss's boss off of your boss's back.
Keeping freedom safe from democracy.
Kill them all --- let God sort it out.
Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either.
Last year my big problem was finding myself. This year it's where to get dynamite.
Law of Probable Dispersal: What hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. match
Lead me not to temptation --- I can find it for myself.
League of Pushy Women: Self-Appointed Chapter Head.
Leakproof seals --- will.
Leave me alone, I'm having a crisis.
Lefties are better lovers.
Let me control a planet's oxygen supply, and I don't care who makes the laws.
Let's split up --- we can do more damage that way.
Life is a sandwich --- and it's always lunchtime.
Life isn't always fair, but it shouldn't cheat that much.
Live Lent in the fast lane.
Live now --- procrastinate tomorrow!
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
Love is missing someone even when they're with you.
Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
Machines which have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
Make somebody happy --- mind your own business.
Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Man is nature's sole mistake.
Man will occasionally stumble upon the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Manners are the manifestations of class.
Mark's Law: A fool and your money are soon partners.
Mathematician: a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
Mid-life Crisis: When the mortgage payment & tuition bill equals more than you make.
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties.
Money is the root of all evil --- and a man needs roots.
More hit points than you can possibly imagine.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
MROTBA: Movie Reality On The Blink Again
Murphy was an Irishman.
Murphy's best friend was a computer.
Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it.
My back is computerized --- it has a floppy disk.
My boyfriend told me he loved me for my mind. I've never been so insulted in my life.
My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring.
My mind is made up; don't confuse me with facts.
National Debt: When everyone exceeds their charge card limits.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. match
Nature is a mother.
Never answer a letter while you are angry.
Never argue with a fool --- people might not know the difference.
Never ask two questions in a letter. The reply will discuss the one in which you are least interested, and say nothing about the other.
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Never confuse endurance with hospitality.
Never delay the end of a meeting, or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
Never eat prunes when you are famished.
Never give advice unless asked.
Never let anything mechanical know you are in a hurry.
Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
Never make anything simple and efficient when it can be complex and wonderful.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never tempt 'Worse'.
Nice computers don't go down.
Nice computers only go down once a day.
No good deed goes unpunished.
No good deed goes unpunished.
No man is a hero to his wife or his butler.
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
No matter where you go, there you are.
No one ever built a statue to a critic.
No one expects the spammish repetition. Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
No one gets sick on Wednesday.
No one is unemployed who minds his own business.
No one's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
No question is so difficult as that to which the answer is obvious.
Noble ancestry makes a poor dish at table.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Nothing needs reforming so much as other people's habits.
Nothing shocks me --- I'm a scientist.
Now is not a good time to annoy me.
Nuke 'em from orbit --- it's the only way to be sure.
Nuke 'em till they glow, then shoot 'em in the dark.
Nuke a gay whale for Jesus.
Nuke the baby seals for Jesus.
Nuke the Smurfs.
Nuke the Whales.
Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.
Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon. After a while you run out of air to push against.
Oh, no --- not another learning experience.
Old mercenaries never die. They just go to hell and regroup. ∫
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
One day I shall burst my bud of calm and blossom forth into hysteria.
One Step Beyond The Night Gallery into The Outer Limits of The Twilight Zone.
Only borrow from pessimists --- they don't expect to be paid back.
Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one of them is paranoid and the other one is out to get him.
Open mouth, insert thigh.
Other people's property comes naturally to me.
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies two to one.
Paranoids have enemies too.
Pardo's 3rd Postulate: Don't care whether you're rich or not, as long as you can live comfortably and have everything you want.
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Peace through superior firepower.
Peace through superior swordplay.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
People don't make the same mistakes twice. They make them three times, four times, five times, ...
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity.
Pessimists build dungeons in the air.
Pipers do it with Amazing Grace.
Please do not look into laser with remaining eyeball.
POETS Day: Piss/Pop Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday.
Poets make better lays.
Possessor of a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
Pound for pound, the ameoba is the most vicious animal on earth.
Prepare for the future --- Read Science Fiction.
Programming is a series of discoveries leading you from one plateau of understanding to another. The trick is not to step in the stuff between the plateaus.
Qué sera, sera. What will be, will be.
Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
Real Daleks don't climb stairs --- they level the building.
Real men write self-modifying code.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with science fiction.
Reality is a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.
Remember --- there's more to life then Science Fiction, but not much.
Remember, be good, but if you can't be good, be careful.
Resistance is useless (if less than 1 ohm).
Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!
ROTBA: Reality On The Blink Again
Science is true --- don't be misled by facts.
Scottish country dancers are reel people.
Self starters --- will not.
Serenity through viciousness.
Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved.
Sex is only dirty if it's done right. ∫
SFIJAGH: Science Fiction Is Just A Goddam Hobby
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up! Push down! Byte! Byte! Byte!
Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw.
Slightly burned out...but still smokin'.
Smile if you are Jesus.
So many books, so little time.
Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.
Some people think they are generous because they give away free advice.
Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
Spending a year dead for tax purposes
Squint when you approach me, lest you be blinded by my beauty.
Statistics are no substitute for judgment.
Stress: That confusion created when the mind overrides the body's basic need to choke the living shit out of some asshole that desperately needs it.
Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person; it is being the right person.
Success is a matter of luck. Just ask any failure.
Success is acheiving the top of the food chain.
Success is getting up just one more time than you fall down.
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
Success is not a destination. It's a journey.
Suffering the Inhumanity of Regular Employment.
Support Free Trade --- Smuggle!
Support your local thieves' guild --- Leave your doors unlocked.
Sushido: the way of the tuna.
Tact is the ability to close your mouth before someone else wants to.
Tact is the ability to make advice agreeable.
Take me drunk --- I'm home again.
Take me home --- furry people need love too.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
Terminator --- the few, the proud, the machines.
TGIF: Thank God It's Friday.
TGIF: Toe Goes In First.
Thank you for not breathing while I smoke.
That which does not kill me makes me smarter.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
The battle is not always to the strong, nor the race to the swift, but that's the way to bet.
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
The boss is always right.
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
The employee who has performed his/her labors faithfully and without fault for five years will be given an increase of five cents per day in his pay provided profits permit it.
The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time. The last 10% takes the other 90%.
The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny.
The following statement is true. The preceding statement is false.
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality.
The Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules.
The grass is always greener near your neighbor's septic tank.
The great thing in the world is not so much where we are but in which direction we are moving.
The growth of wisdom can be accurately gauged by the drop in ill temper.
The immortal words of Socrates: "I drank what?"
The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong --- until the next person quits or gets fired.
The laws of probability are so cleverly formulated that it is impossible to devise an experiment to test their validity.
The less you bother me, the sooner we'll get results.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.
The little engineer that could.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
The man who believes he can do something is probably right, and so is the man who believes he can't. match
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
The meek will inherit the earth --- the rest of us will go to the stars.
The moral majority is neither.
The more pretentious the corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...)
The most welcome person is the one who knows when to go.
The Ocean is the Ultimate Solution!
The only two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots. The other wings.
The opera ain't over 'til the fat lady sings.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
The other line always moves faster.
The Platinum Rule: Do unto others before they do unto you.
The really happy man is the one who can enjoy the scenery even when he has to take a detour.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
The secret of success in conversation is to be able to disagree without being disagreeable.
The shortest answer is doing.
The shortest distance between two points has a bridge out.
The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line.
The Silver Rule: Do unto others as they do unto you.
The universe does not have laws --- it has habits and habits can be broken.
The way to a man's heart is with a great axe.
The world does not require so much to be informed as to be reminded.
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
There are much better things than ignorance to wallow in.
There are no absolute statements. I'm very probably wrong.
There are only 2,000 real people in the world; the rest are bad special effects.
There are two sides to every question, and if you want to be popular you take both.
There are very few personal problems that can't be solved by the appropriate application of high explosives.
There are visual errors in time as well as in space.
There is always one more bug.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
There is no substitute for good manners except fast reflexes.
There is no truth. There is no reality. There is no consistency.
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.
There isn't time enough for love, so what does that leave for hate?
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a lift home from the office.
There's no indigestion worse than that of eating your own words.
There's no need to do housework. After four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.
They talk most who have least to say.
They'll take my sword away when they pry my cold, dead fingers off the hilt.
They've come out with a new Stalin postage stamp, but it doesn't stick. People keep spitting on the wrong side.
Think "honk" if you're a telepath.
This button is right-side-up --- the person wearing it has flipped.
This is no ordinary fool you're dealing with.
This isn't reality. This is fantasy.
This must be morning. I never could get the hang of mornings.
Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music.
Those who live by the nit, die by the nit.
Those who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those who are doing it.
Those whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC.
Time doesn't heal, but it makes the hurt bearable.
To belittle is to be little.
To err is human --- to forgive is not company policy.
To err is human --- to really screw up takes a computer.
To iterate is human, to recurse divine.
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. (Freudian psychology)
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence.
Today is the Tomorrow you worried about Yesterday.
Too much of the world is run on the theory that you don't need manners if you are a ten-ton truck.
UFO's are real --- the Air Force is swamp gas!
Under the most carefully controlled conditions of temperature, density, and pressure, the organism will do what it damn well pleases.
Unicorns aren't mythical --- virgins are! ∫
Until you walk a mile in someone's moccasins, you cannot imagine the smell.
Upscale: A condition resulting from cheating on your diet.
Use the talents you possess; for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.
Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 1990-1951.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
Want a jelly baby?
War is harmful to children and other living things.
Warning: I abide by the Hacker Ethic.
Watch out! I'm striking a significant Kirby pose!
We are not called upon to live up to others' responsibilities, but to our own.
We both have the same problem --- you!
We learned that a missile did not miss its target, it just fell "outside the current accuracy requirements" ... and killing --- in U. S. Army parlance --- is now 'servicing the target'.
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
Weirdness magnet.
What can you expect of a day that begins with getting up in the morning?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What could possibly go wrong?
What does a sacred cat say? Mu!
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
What is said when drunk has been thought out beforehand.
What's the good of being grown up if you can't be childish?
What's the point of being fascinatingly crazy if you don't enrich the world with it?
When a dove begins to associate with crows its feathers remain white but its heart grows black.
When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
When confronted with a difficult problem, you can solve it most easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?"
When God created men, she was only joking.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
When you see a situation you cannot understand, look for the financial interest.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool will discover something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
Who am I? Me, the only girl in the world that is the way I am. Me. I'm a child that hopes for love and happiness in the future. Or sometime.
Who lives content with little possesses everything.
Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion.
Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else?
Why did Douglas Hofstadter cross the road? To make this riddle possible.
Windows, and Icons, and Mice! Oh, my!
Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe.
Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now?
Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.
YATI: Yet Another Trek Inconsistency
Yield to temptation --- it may not pass your way again.
You always find something in the last place you look.
You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to swim on his back, you've got something.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
You get what you pay for.
You have to know the rules to know when to break them.
You know better than to trust a strange computer.
You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
You were told not to feed me after midnight.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
You're always doing something marginal when your boss drops by your desk.
You're not from Earth, are you?
You're so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother.
Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency.
Your not the only one who thinks I don't know what I'm doing.
